This video made me think about my choices in life.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Learning my lesson
with Inang, 14 years agoJohn Lennon once said that, " Life happens when you're busy making other plans". I agree with him because I often got so caught up with my life and it's complexities that I came to a point when I took for granted those people who care about me. Two months ago, my grandmother died. It was too soon because, I am confident that she can recover. Apparently, I was wrong. Everytime that we came for a visit, I can't look at her because I don't want her to be weak. She spent the last two decades of her life taking care of us. Out of all the other cousins that I have, I was so grateful that she chose us.
I am, in nature, a very inexpressive person. I guess, i only show my affection through 'tuksuhans' or by simply thanking the person. This was probably the reason why people thought that I was cold or heartless. In other words, they would misinterpret my actions.
When I began to work, I would always give something to her. But still, I know that at the back of my mind, they weren't enough. Now, I've realized that material things would never compensate for the time that we lost.
Yes, I am still healing and I admit that I would cry when something reminds me of her. However, I know that I have to be strong and composed because I'm not the only one who mourned for her loss. Besides, she's now in a better place. I can't do anything about the past and the best thing that I can do is to share the lessons she taught us. On her death, the lesson I've learned is to value the people who were always there for us because tomorrow is never promised.
Before I finish this entry, Let me share something that she taught me : To share your blessings and be compassionate to others without expecting anything in return.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
of slam books and Q & A's
I was always a fan of Q & A's. way back in elementary, (i hate to admit it), but i was a 'sucker' for slambooks or autographs. i used to have one in grade six. i can't forget how i answer the questions there, i find it corny--sobra! but as i got older, i realized that it made you discover something about yourself. now, here i am again, answering another one..
1. what is your favorite word?
blessed
2. what is your least favorite word?
indifference
3. what turns you on?
honesty
4. what turns you off?
hypocrisy
5. what sound or noise do you love?
air
6. what sound or noise do you hate?
gunshot
7. what is your favorite curse word?
sh*t
8. what profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
film maker/stage actress
9. what profession would you not like to do?
doctor
10. if HEAVEN exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
i'm glad you're home
Sunday, April 01, 2007
SUMMER
It’s officially summer and it’s about time to bask in the sunshine. This year, aside from going to the beach, I’m planning to finish (well, hopefully) the story that I’ve been revising for a year. I started writing it before I graduated. I admit that I’m not a prolific writer, but I can assure that it’s 100% original. I never patterned it from any of the books that I’ve read or movies that I’ve watched. I gather my ideas from my own personal experiences and the lessons that I’ve learned along the way. I want to finish it before this summer ends. Since I don’t have enough budget to travel, the best thing that I can do is to write something substantial…
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
how to deal
I hate it when something would try to ruin my day. Earlier this morning,the van that I was riding was stopped by a police officer. I was in a hurry because I haven’t eaten my breakfast. Whenever I’m hungry, I tend to become temperamental and impatient. I was inside the van waiting for the driver to go back. After conversing with the police, the driver told me, “Miss, sandali lang, may ina-ayos lang kami.” I nodded and replied, “ Matagal pa ba yan? Nagmamadali na ako.” Then, I gave him a stern look. Ten minutes have passed and we’re still there. I was getting pissed so I went out of the van and asked the policemen, “Sir, matagal pa ba?” “Ma’am, iimpound na yung van eh, yung driver walang lisensya.” The man replied. Then, I just left. I walked and passed on a nearby McDonald’s chain and bought breakfast. I was eating while walking. The good thing about it is that I’m only few blocks away from the office. Then, I’m only three minutes late.
I know that this is not exactly my fault but I’ve learned something from this incident. I realized that I should not loose my temper easily, because kanina, I feel like ‘exploding’. Well, at least, I’ve prevented myself from doing so. But if I yelled at the people around me, they might think that I’m deranged. I can’t whine or cry about the situation. Instead, I should think of solution.
At this point I should have maturity, I must know how to handle this kind of situation. It’s true that we can’t control the circumstance around us, but we can choose our response. It is a fact that life consists of unending choices and continuous problem solving.
I know that this is not exactly my fault but I’ve learned something from this incident. I realized that I should not loose my temper easily, because kanina, I feel like ‘exploding’. Well, at least, I’ve prevented myself from doing so. But if I yelled at the people around me, they might think that I’m deranged. I can’t whine or cry about the situation. Instead, I should think of solution.
At this point I should have maturity, I must know how to handle this kind of situation. It’s true that we can’t control the circumstance around us, but we can choose our response. It is a fact that life consists of unending choices and continuous problem solving.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I'm just a newbie at work but i have learned a lot...and i know that i need to learn more because life itself is a never ending study...
I've realized that life is not about fancies. When I was a student, everything that we do is a simulation of the real world. In other words,child's play. But when started working, everyhting was different. Indeed, you're faced with the reality of life, the reality that you can't have your way all the time and that you can't rely on theory all the time. I'm a bookish person and i sometimes reach the point that i base my way thinking on what i've read.."to kac ung nabasa ko"... it's absrud.
during my college years, i was filled insecurities and my perception was filtered by past experiences. i always look down on myself because i'm surrounded with achievers. i thought that i don't have anything to be proud of...because all those time, i consider myself as (unconsciously) as a second rate version of someoneelse. to make things worse, i would always get bothered by trivial things..i spend most of my time tinkering.
after few months of working, i've realized that it was just a wrong way to live my life...looking back, what's been hindering me from reaching my full potential is not becuase of my capacity, it's my self esteem. if i have just believed in myself that i can make it happen, i may have become an academic achiever. sayang.
But, i can't do anything about it, past is past. all i have is the present and i don't want to live my life the same way as before. .. I've realized that i'm a dreamer pala, that if i just believe in myself, i can make great things happen.
People can say what they have to say, but they can't stop me from reaching my goals. That's why I'm doing my best to learn as much i can, so that i would be prepared for everything that life has to offer. GOD has entrusted me a life that solely mine..I won't live it for someone else..
I've realized that life is not about fancies. When I was a student, everything that we do is a simulation of the real world. In other words,child's play. But when started working, everyhting was different. Indeed, you're faced with the reality of life, the reality that you can't have your way all the time and that you can't rely on theory all the time. I'm a bookish person and i sometimes reach the point that i base my way thinking on what i've read.."to kac ung nabasa ko"... it's absrud.
during my college years, i was filled insecurities and my perception was filtered by past experiences. i always look down on myself because i'm surrounded with achievers. i thought that i don't have anything to be proud of...because all those time, i consider myself as (unconsciously) as a second rate version of someoneelse. to make things worse, i would always get bothered by trivial things..i spend most of my time tinkering.
after few months of working, i've realized that it was just a wrong way to live my life...looking back, what's been hindering me from reaching my full potential is not becuase of my capacity, it's my self esteem. if i have just believed in myself that i can make it happen, i may have become an academic achiever. sayang.
But, i can't do anything about it, past is past. all i have is the present and i don't want to live my life the same way as before. .. I've realized that i'm a dreamer pala, that if i just believe in myself, i can make great things happen.
People can say what they have to say, but they can't stop me from reaching my goals. That's why I'm doing my best to learn as much i can, so that i would be prepared for everything that life has to offer. GOD has entrusted me a life that solely mine..I won't live it for someone else..
Saturday, March 03, 2007
ay pucha, magsasaya ako!
Heinakuh! why am i wasting my time, tinkering?! absurd, isnt it? so eto na talaga. i'll move on with my life. period. tama na ang drama
wake up..reality bites 2
uhm.. i can't think of any title that would best fit this entry. .. with that i apologize
last night before i left the office, i checked my multiply account, then, i got the chance to see his video. he sang for someone..and it's not for me. from that moment, i realized that i am a closed chapter in his life. before he left, we didn't have the chance to say goodbye. .. i would never realize that i would come to this point, that i could say to myself that i miss him. he's one of the most genuine persons i've ever known. he's worth keeping. i miss the friendship.. even if i have lots of friends, he will never be replaced. indeed, what is lost,is lost. i felt that i was never been fair to him. i can't do anything about it. i know, i'm sorry... i felt so guilty that i've hurt someone else's feelings because of the careless words that i've said.
after watching the video, i can't help but cry. i felt guilty... naghihinayang ako sa friendship(nothing more). but then, i realized, i have to let go. i don't need to be harsh on myself. i can't do anything about the past. that's why i'm focusing on the present. that's why after work, i went out last night. it so happened that some of my officemates is having their despedida party for these two australian trainers. i enjoyed the night, that i almost forget the feeling that i had. to make things even better, these two australian trainers thanked me for my contributions in the training program. as a training assistant, i was in charge of the logistics, which means that, i'm responsible for the manuals. they told me that, i did a great job. i was so glad to hear that.
i was really thankful that God lifted me up. he is there for me. imagine, i was down when i left the office, but after that , my morale was boosted. it's a good thing that i went out. naka-tulong sobra. so much for my past, i would just live for today. i would focus on the things things that God has in store for me. i actually have a choice, whether, to dwell on my past or move on. i chose the latter because i know that it is the right thing to do. i know that i made things that i would, regret later on. but i believe that no matter what happened in my past, he would still make my paths straight... Besides, God always bring people that would make feel valued.
one person lost, and i've learned my lesson. i thankful that these things happened, beacuse these things would make me become a better person...or the person that God wants me to be.
i don't know how this person would react if he would read this entry. basta, ako, i won't pretend. nasabi ko ung dapat masabi. i won't expect anything in return. whatever or whoever makes him happy. i'm also happy for him.
-this would be my first and last entry for this person-
object width="425" height="350">
last night before i left the office, i checked my multiply account, then, i got the chance to see his video. he sang for someone..and it's not for me. from that moment, i realized that i am a closed chapter in his life. before he left, we didn't have the chance to say goodbye. .. i would never realize that i would come to this point, that i could say to myself that i miss him. he's one of the most genuine persons i've ever known. he's worth keeping. i miss the friendship.. even if i have lots of friends, he will never be replaced. indeed, what is lost,is lost. i felt that i was never been fair to him. i can't do anything about it. i know, i'm sorry... i felt so guilty that i've hurt someone else's feelings because of the careless words that i've said.
after watching the video, i can't help but cry. i felt guilty... naghihinayang ako sa friendship(nothing more). but then, i realized, i have to let go. i don't need to be harsh on myself. i can't do anything about the past. that's why i'm focusing on the present. that's why after work, i went out last night. it so happened that some of my officemates is having their despedida party for these two australian trainers. i enjoyed the night, that i almost forget the feeling that i had. to make things even better, these two australian trainers thanked me for my contributions in the training program. as a training assistant, i was in charge of the logistics, which means that, i'm responsible for the manuals. they told me that, i did a great job. i was so glad to hear that.
i was really thankful that God lifted me up. he is there for me. imagine, i was down when i left the office, but after that , my morale was boosted. it's a good thing that i went out. naka-tulong sobra. so much for my past, i would just live for today. i would focus on the things things that God has in store for me. i actually have a choice, whether, to dwell on my past or move on. i chose the latter because i know that it is the right thing to do. i know that i made things that i would, regret later on. but i believe that no matter what happened in my past, he would still make my paths straight... Besides, God always bring people that would make feel valued.
one person lost, and i've learned my lesson. i thankful that these things happened, beacuse these things would make me become a better person...or the person that God wants me to be.
i don't know how this person would react if he would read this entry. basta, ako, i won't pretend. nasabi ko ung dapat masabi. i won't expect anything in return. whatever or whoever makes him happy. i'm also happy for him.
-this would be my first and last entry for this person-
object width="425" height="350">
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
new year
it's been 30 days i welcomed the year 2007. i remembered that before the clock turned 12, i think i did something crazy. i burned everything that would make me hold on to my past.(pictures, letters, etc.) i burned "our picture" because everytime that i look at it, it just gives me false hopes..absurd isn't it? i realized that my life will not change if i always think the same way.
looking back, 2006 has been a good year for me. but, i believe, this year will be much better because i know that God will bless my life more.
looking back, 2006 has been a good year for me. but, i believe, this year will be much better because i know that God will bless my life more.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt -
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt -
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
wake up.. reality bites
it's really hard to live a lie. what happened yesterday is like getting hit by a fourteen-wheeler truck. i've realized that even if people say that you're great, special and all that, there would still be those who would make you feel stupid. i can't understand why, it' s unfair. nobody deserves to be treated that way. as far as i'm concerned, i'm not doing anything that would made him treat me that way. i can't talk to him, i can't face him right now. i don't know how to react, so i need some space to figure things out... i may feel down right now, but tommorrow, i'll bounce back.
Monday, December 04, 2006
kanina
i was about to ride an fx..when i saw the "pen owner"... baba na sana ako...
kaso lang....
kaso lang....
mahaba ang pila.... (exodus, pare)
may 2 options ako:
a) bumaba ako at sumabay sa kanya, yun nga lang, male-late ako
b)nd bumaba at nd sya makasabay,pero makakapasok ako on time
pinili ko ang letter b...
fx moment sana noh?
pero trabaho muna...
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Q& A ulit
I love answering hotsheets, probably because i don't have time to publish long entries, unlike before. (i got this from bianca)
1.What is it about you that people don't reallynotice?
- i'm really tough inside.
2. What do people commonly mistake you for?--a high school student
3. Are you insecure?-- all of us has insecurities.
4. Do you think you're attractive? i don't know
5. Do you find it easy to trust people?-- no
6. Do you have a really big secret?--- yes
7. If yes, how many people have you told about it?--- none
8. How are you when you get mad?--- it depends on the situation
9. What do you do when you're bored?--- eat.
10. Do you enjoy doing nothing?-- yes.
11. Are you comfortable in being alone?-- yes
12. Do you think watching the sunset or the stars is fun?-- yes, it's the perfect moment to get in touch with myself
13. Do you like the rain?-- yes,yes,yes.
14. What can you say about poetry?-- vague thoughts expressed
15. Are you a phone person?-- not really.
16. Do you smoke weed?-- no
17. What song best describes how youfeel?-- everybody wanst you by josh kelley
18. What impossible thing do you want to do right now?-- to be in two places at the same time
19. What is missing in your life right this moment?-- ju and chery
20. aRe you happy with the way thingsare going in your lovelife?--i don't have one, but i enjoy being single
21. Are you sure?-- yes!)22. Where were you today?-- office, unwinding after a long day's work
23. What did you do today?-- encode, print labels, and the list goes on
24. Who were you with today?-- with my boss.
25. What are you planning to do now?-- go home and sleep.
1.What is it about you that people don't reallynotice?
- i'm really tough inside.
2. What do people commonly mistake you for?--a high school student
3. Are you insecure?-- all of us has insecurities.
4. Do you think you're attractive? i don't know
5. Do you find it easy to trust people?-- no
6. Do you have a really big secret?--- yes
7. If yes, how many people have you told about it?--- none
8. How are you when you get mad?--- it depends on the situation
9. What do you do when you're bored?--- eat.
10. Do you enjoy doing nothing?-- yes.
11. Are you comfortable in being alone?-- yes
12. Do you think watching the sunset or the stars is fun?-- yes, it's the perfect moment to get in touch with myself
13. Do you like the rain?-- yes,yes,yes.
14. What can you say about poetry?-- vague thoughts expressed
15. Are you a phone person?-- not really.
16. Do you smoke weed?-- no
17. What song best describes how youfeel?-- everybody wanst you by josh kelley
18. What impossible thing do you want to do right now?-- to be in two places at the same time
19. What is missing in your life right this moment?-- ju and chery
20. aRe you happy with the way thingsare going in your lovelife?--i don't have one, but i enjoy being single
21. Are you sure?-- yes!)22. Where were you today?-- office, unwinding after a long day's work
23. What did you do today?-- encode, print labels, and the list goes on
24. Who were you with today?-- with my boss.
25. What are you planning to do now?-- go home and sleep.
mrt moment
emotions are not reliable. really. last monday, i guess, i lied to myself. i'm down and i really wanted to talk to someone else. i had this feeling that i don't want to go home early. basta gusto ko na lang ung matutulog ako.
i was on my way to powerbooks when i saw a 'familiar face'. nagkasabay kami sa mrt. to make the long story short, i had a great conversation with him. this moment reminded me of the movie , "Before Sunset". it's just about shared interest, nothing serious about it. but, i feel better. ay ewan.
*last
i was on my way to powerbooks when i saw a 'familiar face'. nagkasabay kami sa mrt. to make the long story short, i had a great conversation with him. this moment reminded me of the movie , "Before Sunset". it's just about shared interest, nothing serious about it. but, i feel better. ay ewan.
*last
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
ay ewan
i can't think of any title, so eto na lang....
ngaun ko lang ata na-realize kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng salitang "trabaho". hindi kac ako na-bakante, these past few days.
this is it, i have to be on my own, as in kinakailangan kung gumawa ng diskarte sa lahat ng bagay (hindi lang sa work, sa iba pa, basta, un na un). recently, nabigla ako sa mga nangyari: 1) my grandfather died 2) nlaman ko na may gf pala ung friend ko. ..nd ko naman alam eh. hehe. 3) bnigyan ako ng mag responisbilities na dapat kuya ko ang gumagawa..pathetic 4) etong person from the past, gusto na naman atang bumalik sa eksena..sus!
ung #1 , tanggap ko na. na-express ko na ung emotion na kailangan. i'm happy for him because he's making music in heaven. number 2, masaya ako dahil dun sa "keyboard moment". pero nagulat ako nung nkta ko ung gf nya. tinukso kac cla nung mga pipol.nd pala joke un, "true" pala .mabuti na lang hindi kami ang ginawang pair. ok lang un, sayang ang friendship. grabe number 3, i have to deal with it. wla akong, magagawa, it's part of my responisbility as a daughter. damn! number 4, he's not the type of person that i really want . i gave him so many chance before, pero,tama na ang kalokohan! i moved on. ---- i made a huge mistake in my life, i should've not wasted my time with a person who doesn't give a damn about me. i have to face it, i don't deserve the treatment that he gave to me before. tapos, ngaun, babawi?! It's his loss. i'd rather spend time with other people than make a stupid move again. non me ne frege.
so un ang gustong sabihin....
ngaun ko lang ata na-realize kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng salitang "trabaho". hindi kac ako na-bakante, these past few days.
this is it, i have to be on my own, as in kinakailangan kung gumawa ng diskarte sa lahat ng bagay (hindi lang sa work, sa iba pa, basta, un na un). recently, nabigla ako sa mga nangyari: 1) my grandfather died 2) nlaman ko na may gf pala ung friend ko. ..nd ko naman alam eh. hehe. 3) bnigyan ako ng mag responisbilities na dapat kuya ko ang gumagawa..pathetic 4) etong person from the past, gusto na naman atang bumalik sa eksena..sus!
ung #1 , tanggap ko na. na-express ko na ung emotion na kailangan. i'm happy for him because he's making music in heaven. number 2, masaya ako dahil dun sa "keyboard moment". pero nagulat ako nung nkta ko ung gf nya. tinukso kac cla nung mga pipol.nd pala joke un, "true" pala .mabuti na lang hindi kami ang ginawang pair. ok lang un, sayang ang friendship. grabe number 3, i have to deal with it. wla akong, magagawa, it's part of my responisbility as a daughter. damn! number 4, he's not the type of person that i really want . i gave him so many chance before, pero,tama na ang kalokohan! i moved on. ---- i made a huge mistake in my life, i should've not wasted my time with a person who doesn't give a damn about me. i have to face it, i don't deserve the treatment that he gave to me before. tapos, ngaun, babawi?! It's his loss. i'd rather spend time with other people than make a stupid move again. non me ne frege.
so un ang gustong sabihin....
Saturday, September 30, 2006
friends: how much i miss them
i've realized that i'm living the kind of life that i truly wanted : i have a job, i'm serving in a community, and i finally have the time to help my family. these are the things that i asked God. finally, i'm having the time of my life.
but, it would be so much better if my friends were here. there were things that i could only disclose to them. but were busy wih our own lives. we chose different paths, we're on our own. i
yes, i really miss my friends. we've been together for 4 years, they're the reason why my college life became interesting. i am my own person now, but i won't have the confidence, if they didn't help me. it's different without them.
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