Love? in time of cholera

I hope that this title would be apt for whatever I'm writting.

Yes, I'm heart broken right now because: I lost my father then, I realized that I fell for a person who's not even worth it.

The first one is painful, the second one is even more. What consoles me is that i still have friends around who loves for who i am. I thought, i'm one of those lucky girls who'll found their prince. Unfortunately, I didn't.
Shucks, I fell for someone, whom i thought will be there. but he's not.

he's not man enough. I resent the fact that i even met him. grabe, the feeling sucks.

i can't even talk to him right now. i just cant.

Musings of a 'Princess' Wannabe 3: Detour

Detour

This coming April, I was about to enroll for a make-up artistry class. A dream come true, isn't it? When my Dad told me that he would shoulder everything, I was never been happier. I was excited looking forward on my first day. I even imagined myself working for runways...

Unexpected happened.

My dream came into halt when my Dad was rushed last week to the hospital because of heart attacks. Everything fell apart. Obviously, I won't be able to enroll anymore because the money would be alloted for his hospitalization. I was devastated.

Honestly, my faith got challenged. I felt like God dangled a lollipop in front of my face and yanked it back. In other words, I can't help but make 'tampo' to him. I was at a point where I was already standing up and making new dreams, then this happened.

But, as they say, God has a way. Up to this point, I'm trying to understand why this happened. I guess, God wants me to teach me something.
I mean, I was not a Daddy's girl. Ironic isn't it? But I was not really that close to him.

Probably, this is God's way of reinkindling my relationship with him. Though my Dad is by nature, an inexpressive person. I don't mind at all. Ako na lang ang magbibigay for him.

I don't let God do the walking for me. I step my feet on the ground even if I don't feel like waking up. What keeps me going the thought that, I have friends who never fails to show their compassion on me.

As for my dream, it could wait. Besides, there's a time for everything. For the moment, I have to focus on other things that are more important. My family.

Musings of a 'Princess' Wannabe

On writting my First Novel

I love attending weddings and listening about how the couples met because I never had a chance to write a love story of my own. I never had a happy ending in real life, that's what inspired me to write my first novel, " Prinsesa sa Tasa". It's a story about taking chances, moving on, and forgiveness. So far, it's a depiction of my life. Most parts of the story were based on my real life experiences. The story may be classified as a chic lit or a teeny bopper, but definitely not a rip off of some paper back romance. In other words, it's original. It took me five years to write this. Actually, PST started as a school paper for our Communications Class in College. We were asked to write our love story, using different tenses. I had fun doing it because it was an open-ended story. Just like in real life, I had my fair share of open-ended stories. I was graduating then, and I'm going through a lot of struggles that time from my family to my academic life. I went through an emotional turmoil. I underwent counselling and found out that I was depressed. Those times were hard because I felt that everything in my life fell apart. Then, it came to a point that I need to put back the pieces again because I still wanted to move on with my life.

What I did was I re-wrote that story that I made. Everytime I'm revising Prinsesa sa Tasa, I experience gamut of emotions since most parts, as I've said before were based on my real life experiences. But, after that, I felt relieved. Right now, I'm still revising it and I hope finish soon. I can't wait to have a happy ending, even it's only written in my blog.

On Real life

After graduation, I admit that I haven't found my place in the sun, yet. But, I don't want to go back to my previous emploments due to my traumatic experiences in the corporate world. At the age of 25, I don't want to admit that I'm going through a quarter life crisis, because, I'm not.
After I turned twenty five, I began to plan my personal and professional life. And, I can say that I'm more driven compared to by earlier years because, I'm making things happen a step at a time.

Yes, I'm fine with who I am even if I know that there were still things that I need to work on myself. I'm also in a stage where I'm not bothered whether I'm in a relationship or not, probably because I'm more assured with myself now than before. But, still, being a human as I am, I still hope for 'that person' to find me. I find it funny that my family, and friends wished for the same thing. Instead of sulking in despair, I make it to a point to enjoy my life while waiting.
I believe that I'm doing that.
Unexpected things happened. Recently, the guy that I liked in high school, who was rude to me, added me on face book. Then, he began to chat with me. This was very unusual because, we never had a decent conversation in the first place. Honestly, he was one of the reasons why I never looked forward to our high school reunion.Needless to say,I don't have good memories to look back. Anyway, I really wanted to avoid him that night. But actually, before, I was telling myself that when I had a chance to meet him, I would become maldita or b*tchy. Apparently, the opposite happened, I was actually nice to him. I felt that God is telling me to forgive that person and move on with my life. I believe, he is teaching me the lesson and the power of forgiveness. After talking to that guy, I was relieved and happy at the same time, that at least, he was, for a moment, became kind to me. After all these years, I never thought that it would happen. I'm glad it did. This experience taught me that I have to get rid of my hurtful past and start living the present. I believe that God is not interested on what I am before, but on what I'm going to be. Bo Sanchez, one of my favorite authors said that, "God wants to bless us with abundance and great relationships, we just need to open our hearts". I agree.

JC TIUSECO: Ang laki ng ulo mo!

Enough said. I was really turned off with the guy's gesture last night.

I went to a certain Expo on which the guy was one of the guest performers. I was a huge fan of him after winning in a reality show and after watching his soap for a couple of months. I began to have an impression of him that he's the gentleman type. The kind of guy that I like. Apparently, I was wrong.


After his performance, some of us went backstage to chance upon, and hopefully take our pictures of him. When he stepped outside the tent, all of us were calling him. He's just three feet away from us, so i doubt if he won't hear his fans yelling. He passed as if he heard nothing. I was like, "What the heck?! Ang feeling mo."
He made his fans look stupid.

After that, I swear, I began to loathe him. I can't do anything about it and my only consolation is that I can blog about it and let everyone know how 'arrogant' he was. I mean, what was he thinking? He's just starting his showbiz career and acted as if he bagged awards from FAMAS to snub his fans like that. I would understand if Gabby Concepcion would do that, at least he's a famed actor.

One thing I've realized is that he's like those stars who just earned a certain amount of popularity and let it go through their head. It's lame and, should I say, 'Pathetic'.

Para kay DoorMatt

Omigosh, hindi ka talaga nakaka-tuwa. Nalulungkot ako sa mga mabibiktima mo, mabuti na lang at habang maaga, nakita ko na ang tunay na kulay mo. Sana ma-realize mo ung mga ka-bolahang ginagawa mo. Bago ka magtext ng sweet nothings sa iba, lalo na pag english, kindly check the Grammar Book first, nang di ka mapahiya. Don't flatter yourelf, dahil hindi ka naman kamukha nila Prince William or Heath Ledger para mag feeling. Anyway, this video is for you. Enjoy!

I saw the sign

To: ____

Natauhan na po ako. Di na mauulit.
Sorry

The other side of Mabahague

Stiff, Serious, and Snobbish are the best way to describe Sir Ernie. He's one of the professors that I liked the least in college. Honestly, his classes were intellectually stimulating but becomes dragging in the middle. Yes, he's good looking, but he's not my type at all. I usually go for guys who's taller than me.

Last Tuesday, I've seen the other side of him. We took the same fx on the way to Trinoma from UST. The moment that he hopped inside the fx, I called him and introduced myself as a former student. To my surprise, he offered to pay for our fare.Then, we began to converse about our batch, the latest happening in the university, and our travel experiences. I even shared to him one of my batchmate's embarassing experiences during graduation. He laughed. This is my first time to see him like that. He's not the usual temperamental professor we had in college.

"Sir, tumatawa ka pala" I told him
"Siyempre naman, tao din naman ako noh." he replied chuckling.

Indeed, first impressions are not always correct.

Si Renz Kasi

Yes, the title would be perfect for this entry.

I've been bothered for the past weeks because of what my brother did.
(Assumption lang)He just told the guy that I liked that I'm taken already.
Kaya ngayon, wala nang paramdam yung tao. It sucks to realize that ako ang naipit with what Renz did. Right now, I wanted to say the P word, but I can't.

I rarely feel this way, kaya it's sooo sayang.

One lesson that I've learned, never trust kids!

Omoshiro Japan!

Omoshiro (Amusing/Interesting), the best word to describe Japan. Last May 4, 2009 I went to Tokyo. I spent ten days touring around the city by train. From food to fashion, one can't wait to go back. This is my first time to step out of the country and I was really glad that I've been in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

how i wish...

Prince and me is one of my favorite romantic flicks. Though cheesy, it keeps me inspired to make my dreams turn into reality,and hopefully meet 'Aldo'

Lifehouse-Everything

Goodbye Spanky

Goodbye Spanky

Spanky was given to us by a family friend when I was in first year high school. I can still remember how hyper he was back then. Ang kulit nya, sobra. I got pissed most of the time because he was fond of biting my shoes. I can't recall how many pairs he damaged.
But, when he got older, his behavior changed. That was the time when I began to love him.
One time, I was looking for my pair of socks outside our house. I was so getting impatient because I can't really find it. Spanky suddenly crawled under the pile of basins, then I yelled, "Wag mong guluhin yan!" Then, he came out with my socks and gave it to me. Indeed, a dog is a man's best friend.Another experience that I would never forget about Spanky was when I had fight with my Dad, I stepped outside and cried. I decided to hug him, and he licked my my right cheek. I was really touched. On that moment, I've learned that dogs probably know how to sympathize. They can sense that there's something wrong.
They say that dogs and cats fight. It happens, but not in our home. My aunt gave us two cats last year.I'm afraid that Spanky might kill them. The next thing I know, he began playing with them.

Haaay, I wanted to write so much about this dog, but I guess that this blog entry would be enough to express how much I'll miss him.

I'm not really a pet lover. But, Spanky taught me how to love creatures like him.

Goodbye Spanky.

A Random Thought

They say, your room is an extension of yourself. It reflects your personality. For me, it represents your present state of mind or your life in general.

Three years had passed after my graduation and I felt that I'm still on the same ground. In other words, nothing significant happened in my life. It was stagnant. Just like my cluttered room, I have so many things that I wanted to do with my life. It's just that I don't know what step I'll take. Shucks, I'm really confused.

I've been agonizing for months and it dawned to me that I have to start somewhere. I was a dreamer once and I want to get my life back on track. My mom can't say that I have focus.
I want to live the life that I wanted. Really.

A fan of Q&A

1. Are you dating the last person you kissed?
No.

2. Pretend you've had 10 beers. Describe what you would be doing.
Drinking a hot cup of tea and eating a banana. I hate throwing up

3. What do you want?
To make my plans happen.

4. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
None.

5. Do you talk to yourself?
Sometimes =))

6. Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
No, that's stupid

7. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Julie and Tseri

8. How long is your hair?
Below shoulders

9. Do you like Batman?

No, he's pretty hilarious:)

10. Who did you last hug?
My cat Peggy

12. Do you swear at your parents?
Yes.

13.Do you like anyone?
Yes ;)

14. When was the last time you lied?

Yesterday

15. When was the last time you cried?
Ewan. :P

16. Is your birthday on a holiday?
No, but it's a week before christmas

17. What instant messaging service do you use?
Y!M.

18. Last thing you cooked today?
Ampalaya with Magic Sarap..Yum!

19. Did you have a nap today?
Nope

20. Who's house did you go to last?
My cousin's

21. What are you currently listening to?
I'm feeling you by Michelle Branch

22. Why is the sky blue?

Because it complements the color of the sea.

23. Do you like green beans?
Yes

24. Do you swear a lot?
Yes

25. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?

From my closet

26. Have any regrets?
Yes.

27. Do you use an alarm clock?
Yes.

28. Where and when was your default MySpace picture taken?
From a scanned studio picture

29. What kind of camera do you have?
Canon.

30. Whats the first thing you notice on the preferred sex?
Ears (I know it's weird), eyes and teeth.

31. Is cheating ever okay?
No.

32. Do you want someone you can't have?

34. Do you wear underwear?
Of course! Wholesome ata ako

35. Who would you like to see right now?
Sam or Aldo.

36. How many baller IDs do you have?
Two

37. Are you a social or antisocial person?
Social :)

38. Did you ever like a teacher?
Yes, wayback in highschool from my upcat review class.

39. Would you ever drink tap water?
No.

40. What's something you regret?
Not saying the right words at the right time

41. Do you like garter head bands?
yes

42. How about plastic ones?
yes, but it depends on the design

43. What radio station(s) do you listen to?
Jam 88.3, and sometimes Wrock

45. Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes

46. What's your mouse pad?
Korean something

47. Do you miss someone today?
Yes!

48. Do you know what AWOL means/stands for?
Absence without leave, parang ganun

49. Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
No, i burned all of them

Kapalit ni Sam

It's a good thing that my blog is not popular. But, I still have to be discreet about what I'm going to write.

For the past few weeks, I have been struggling to forget Sam because I know that my attraction with him won't get me anywhere. One day, I woke up from the reality that I should know where I should know where I stand.

I keep telling myself:

"Gusto ko siyang kalimutan!"

I don't know where to start until I saw his video



Naaliw ako bigla. Then, it dawned to me that I should not get stuck with one person, if I would meet others naman. O di ba? quits lang

Tungkol kay Sam ulit

I seldom meet interesting people in my life. Being attracted to them was not reason why they were interesting, but because of their 'Personal Legend'.
Personal Legend as Paulo Coelho defines as "the path that God chose for you here on earth."

I guess, Sam already found it. Mabuti pa siya.

I wanted to conduct an interview with him, but I guess I don't need to because someone already did. But that's okay, at least I won't be guessing who he really was. What made him interesting is
his mission. They say that many are called but few are chosen. For me, he's one of the chosen few. Not all of us would brave Mindanao, and he did.

I seldom meet people like him, that's why I took this chance to write an entry for Sam. After having a short conversation with him, I realized that I should surround myself with people who inspire others. People living for someone higher that themselves. That's how I know Sam. That's one of the quality that I want to emulate.


I'm looking forward on having more contemplative conversations with him. I won't let my attraction lead to somewhere. I promise. I'll just see him as a brother in Christ and nothing more.

Para sa dating pag ibig

Ok, magpka-teenager tayo!

Isang pag-hanga kay Sam

On my previous entries, i was mentioning about this person who's older than me. I would never reveal who this person was. Let's just call him Sam.

I seldom got attracted to the opposite sex because of my painful experiences in the past. Most of the guys I've met are jerks. In other words, the knight in shining armor that I hoped to meet turned out to be a loser wrapped in a tin foil. Naka-dala. Sobra.

At this point, I'm happy with or without a special someone. Well, I'm not closing my doors naman, it's just a matter of protecting myself from getting hurt for the wrong reasons. I'm trying to establish non-romantic relationships with guys and I'm focusing on the things that I truly wanted without a guy's influence.

I keep telling to my friends that I don't want to get distracted and that I won't allow anyone to get in my way. One day, it was about to change, I saw Sam. Kinumusta nya ako as he flashed his killer smile. No matter how dense I am towards the opposite sex, I still have weakness for this. Sorry, tao lang. At that moment,I mutterd, "Shucks, ang gwapo niya.I've never seen him for years." I know that I sound like a fifteen year old who's getting attracted with someone. But, let's face it, we were like teenagers during moments like this. No matter how old we are, we would still get giddy at times.


I know that there's nothing wrong with getting attracted to person like him. He's good looking and witty, definitely a no non-sense guy. He's way different from the guys that I've met.
The only thing is that, he's commited to serve God for the rest of his life. Two years ago, he made his vow of celibacy. Basta, yun na yun. Of course, as a twenty-four year old gal, I have to be responsible for my actions. I won't let attraction to rule my actions towards him. I'll put it this way, I'll just see him as a monoblock chair. Just like my Philosophy professor in college said, "Kulay lang siya". So, ganun na lang, para quits.

I've had comic encounters with him. The first one was during a mass when I came from a drinking session with my college friends. That time, I'm not an SFC yet. I could walk straight but my but brain can't. I know that he was about to approach me. I suddenly knelt down, closed my eyes, clasped my hands, and pretendened to pray. I was suprised to find out that he would officiate the mass that I was going to attend. I tried to concentrate but I can't because of my dizziness. During the homily, tinamaan ako. He was pointing out to the youth. Sam said this with conviction, "Sana kayong kabataan, hindi lang puro gimik, 'inom', bisyo ang ina-atupad niyo. Sana mag-serve din kayo." That time, I told myself, "Nang-aasar ba 'to? Para kasing mag-aaklas." After the mass, I went home.
The next one just happened yesterday. Before he blessed our house, we ate breakfast. I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I loudly said "Ay! #@$%!. He was shocked and my mom's eyes rolled. I know that she was embarassed for me. That moment, I cringed. "Sorry, I'm only human." I said in a 'jologs' way. When I told this to some of my friends, they bursted with laughter. I don't know why, it's just so weird.

At this point, I know where I stand. I know that I would just be a distant admirer forever. Ayoko nang ipilit ang sarili ko sa kanya because he belongs to God. For sure, this feeling will pass. But, I like what I'm feeling right now, so might as well, enjoy it di ba? The advantage of being distant is having less chances of screwing things up. The best thing about this is that I could blog about him anytime I want and I would never had to worry that he would read this. Kasi nga,hindi kami close.

Things are better this way. After all, I don't want to have a pinoy version of El Crimen del Padre Amaro. Bad yun.