As I carry my cross...

Before, I'm always looking forward to Christmas. But now, I don't because it's just another ordinary day.

It was 2005, I'm a graduating student back then when I found out that my parents are going to separate. I thought I could handle it well, but I can't. As schoolwork piled up, so was my emotions. At first, my thesismates were compassionate and supportive. But just like other human beings, they grew tired of me. I only have myself to count on. Sometimes, I just like to quit. But, God always picked me up during my depressing moments. I consider it a miracle to graduate from college because, my grades were slipping down, and there was even a time when I walked out of the classroom for no apparent reason. One of my professors even told me that my performance was getting worse. Everyday was a struggle. Graduation came, my whole family was with me, but Dad became distant to us. I tried to embrace him, but he resisted. I don't even know why.

That was the time I began to despise christmas. Before, we used to gather for dinner, but now Dad (while he was still in the country) would play cards with his "kumpares", Mom would clean the house, my brothers don't give a damn. I, on the other hand would lock myself inside my room and read a book. I envy those people who have their family together. Sana ako rin.
I felt detached from my family. I maybe blessed with material things and other stuffs that I need. But,they don't even know what I really ask from them. Call me dramatic but, that's how I really feel inside-broken.

Despite of my brokeness, I still hold on to my personal relationship with God.