On my previous entries, i was mentioning about this person who's older than me. I would never reveal who this person was. Let's just call him Sam.
I seldom got attracted to the opposite sex because of my painful experiences in the past. Most of the guys I've met are jerks. In other words, the knight in shining armor that I hoped to meet turned out to be a loser wrapped in a tin foil. Naka-dala. Sobra.
At this point, I'm happy with or without a special someone. Well, I'm not closing my doors naman, it's just a matter of protecting myself from getting hurt for the wrong reasons. I'm trying to establish non-romantic relationships with guys and I'm focusing on the things that I truly wanted without a guy's influence.
I keep telling to my friends that I don't want to get distracted and that I won't allow anyone to get in my way. One day, it was about to change, I saw Sam. Kinumusta nya ako as he flashed his killer smile. No matter how dense I am towards the opposite sex, I still have weakness for this. Sorry, tao lang. At that moment,I mutterd, "Shucks, ang gwapo niya.I've never seen him for years." I know that I sound like a fifteen year old who's getting attracted with someone. But, let's face it, we were like teenagers during moments like this. No matter how old we are, we would still get giddy at times.
I know that there's nothing wrong with getting attracted to person like him. He's good looking and witty, definitely a no non-sense guy. He's way different from the guys that I've met.
The only thing is that, he's commited to serve God for the rest of his life. Two years ago, he made his vow of celibacy. Basta, yun na yun. Of course, as a twenty-four year old gal, I have to be responsible for my actions. I won't let attraction to rule my actions towards him. I'll put it this way, I'll just see him as a monoblock chair. Just like my Philosophy professor in college said, "Kulay lang siya". So, ganun na lang, para quits.
I've had comic encounters with him. The first one was during a mass when I came from a drinking session with my college friends. That time, I'm not an SFC yet. I could walk straight but my but brain can't. I know that he was about to approach me. I suddenly knelt down, closed my eyes, clasped my hands, and pretendened to pray. I was suprised to find out that he would officiate the mass that I was going to attend. I tried to concentrate but I can't because of my dizziness. During the homily, tinamaan ako. He was pointing out to the youth. Sam said this with conviction, "Sana kayong kabataan, hindi lang puro gimik, 'inom', bisyo ang ina-atupad niyo. Sana mag-serve din kayo." That time, I told myself, "Nang-aasar ba 'to? Para kasing mag-aaklas." After the mass, I went home.
The next one just happened yesterday. Before he blessed our house, we ate breakfast. I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I loudly said "Ay! #@$%!. He was shocked and my mom's eyes rolled. I know that she was embarassed for me. That moment, I cringed. "Sorry, I'm only human." I said in a 'jologs' way. When I told this to some of my friends, they bursted with laughter. I don't know why, it's just so weird.
At this point, I know where I stand. I know that I would just be a distant admirer forever. Ayoko nang ipilit ang sarili ko sa kanya because he belongs to God. For sure, this feeling will pass. But, I like what I'm feeling right now, so might as well, enjoy it di ba? The advantage of being distant is having less chances of screwing things up. The best thing about this is that I could blog about him anytime I want and I would never had to worry that he would read this. Kasi nga,hindi kami close.
Things are better this way. After all, I don't want to have a pinoy version of El Crimen del Padre Amaro. Bad yun.
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