Tungkol kay Sam ulit

I seldom meet interesting people in my life. Being attracted to them was not reason why they were interesting, but because of their 'Personal Legend'.
Personal Legend as Paulo Coelho defines as "the path that God chose for you here on earth."

I guess, Sam already found it. Mabuti pa siya.

I wanted to conduct an interview with him, but I guess I don't need to because someone already did. But that's okay, at least I won't be guessing who he really was. What made him interesting is
his mission. They say that many are called but few are chosen. For me, he's one of the chosen few. Not all of us would brave Mindanao, and he did.

I seldom meet people like him, that's why I took this chance to write an entry for Sam. After having a short conversation with him, I realized that I should surround myself with people who inspire others. People living for someone higher that themselves. That's how I know Sam. That's one of the quality that I want to emulate.


I'm looking forward on having more contemplative conversations with him. I won't let my attraction lead to somewhere. I promise. I'll just see him as a brother in Christ and nothing more.

Para sa dating pag ibig

Ok, magpka-teenager tayo!

Isang pag-hanga kay Sam

On my previous entries, i was mentioning about this person who's older than me. I would never reveal who this person was. Let's just call him Sam.

I seldom got attracted to the opposite sex because of my painful experiences in the past. Most of the guys I've met are jerks. In other words, the knight in shining armor that I hoped to meet turned out to be a loser wrapped in a tin foil. Naka-dala. Sobra.

At this point, I'm happy with or without a special someone. Well, I'm not closing my doors naman, it's just a matter of protecting myself from getting hurt for the wrong reasons. I'm trying to establish non-romantic relationships with guys and I'm focusing on the things that I truly wanted without a guy's influence.

I keep telling to my friends that I don't want to get distracted and that I won't allow anyone to get in my way. One day, it was about to change, I saw Sam. Kinumusta nya ako as he flashed his killer smile. No matter how dense I am towards the opposite sex, I still have weakness for this. Sorry, tao lang. At that moment,I mutterd, "Shucks, ang gwapo niya.I've never seen him for years." I know that I sound like a fifteen year old who's getting attracted with someone. But, let's face it, we were like teenagers during moments like this. No matter how old we are, we would still get giddy at times.


I know that there's nothing wrong with getting attracted to person like him. He's good looking and witty, definitely a no non-sense guy. He's way different from the guys that I've met.
The only thing is that, he's commited to serve God for the rest of his life. Two years ago, he made his vow of celibacy. Basta, yun na yun. Of course, as a twenty-four year old gal, I have to be responsible for my actions. I won't let attraction to rule my actions towards him. I'll put it this way, I'll just see him as a monoblock chair. Just like my Philosophy professor in college said, "Kulay lang siya". So, ganun na lang, para quits.

I've had comic encounters with him. The first one was during a mass when I came from a drinking session with my college friends. That time, I'm not an SFC yet. I could walk straight but my but brain can't. I know that he was about to approach me. I suddenly knelt down, closed my eyes, clasped my hands, and pretendened to pray. I was suprised to find out that he would officiate the mass that I was going to attend. I tried to concentrate but I can't because of my dizziness. During the homily, tinamaan ako. He was pointing out to the youth. Sam said this with conviction, "Sana kayong kabataan, hindi lang puro gimik, 'inom', bisyo ang ina-atupad niyo. Sana mag-serve din kayo." That time, I told myself, "Nang-aasar ba 'to? Para kasing mag-aaklas." After the mass, I went home.
The next one just happened yesterday. Before he blessed our house, we ate breakfast. I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I loudly said "Ay! #@$%!. He was shocked and my mom's eyes rolled. I know that she was embarassed for me. That moment, I cringed. "Sorry, I'm only human." I said in a 'jologs' way. When I told this to some of my friends, they bursted with laughter. I don't know why, it's just so weird.

At this point, I know where I stand. I know that I would just be a distant admirer forever. Ayoko nang ipilit ang sarili ko sa kanya because he belongs to God. For sure, this feeling will pass. But, I like what I'm feeling right now, so might as well, enjoy it di ba? The advantage of being distant is having less chances of screwing things up. The best thing about this is that I could blog about him anytime I want and I would never had to worry that he would read this. Kasi nga,hindi kami close.

Things are better this way. After all, I don't want to have a pinoy version of El Crimen del Padre Amaro. Bad yun.

Kasi Naman

For the past few weeks, I realized that God challenged me.

I kept saying to myself and to my friends that "I don't want to get distracted by a person". Until, this guy enters the scene and caught my attention. I won't go over the details because I made a previous entry about him already.
Now, I understand why I'm not comfortable with the idea of getting attracted with someone. Here are my reasons: 1)I've had experiences in the past when a certain guy played with my feelings. 2) I fear that they might be taken already (I hope not). 3) I don't want these things to happen again.

What I really wanted to happen is to get close to him, without any romantic overtures. I don't know if this would really happen, bahala na si God. Gosh, I wanted to get over him so badly.

But this time, I'll do this differently. I'll face this with courage. After all, God is here to back me up.

Si Ate Nina

I'm writing this entry after we gave our surprise celebration to her. Her birthday is actually next week, but we decided to celebrate it earlier.

I can't help but feel happy for this person, Ate Nina is like a sister that I never had. I would never forget what she said to me when she asked me to continue the last four talks of CLP (Christian Life Program). During that time, I tried to withdraw from the community because of what took place in our family. I felt that I don't deserve to be part of that group. Needless to say, I don't have a face to show them.
I've missed four talks, and that time, I thought that, wala siguro silang pakialam.
Apparently, I was wrong.

Ate Nina texted me and asked if we could meet at one place. I gave it a chance.
She asked me if I'm willing to continue CLP. I told her that I was not really certain about it. I cannot forget what she said to me at that moment, "Sayang. Alam mo, gusto ka namin kasama." I was moved when I heard these words. I was not close to her that time, but I knew that she was a sincere person. Then, I also realized that you would seldom hear these from people. I find it hard to trust people because of my past experiences. But with her, I took the chance.

That time,I saw God's human face through her.
Earlier, when we did our 'honoring', I realized how she touched other people. In other words, she is a blessing to us. Kuya Vheen, her boyfriend ,told us that of all the things that we said to her, he knew that he is with the right girl. If I'm going to hear this line from a special someone, I would probably be the happiest person on earth.

A kind-hearted person like Ate Nina deserves to be treated like a princess for a day.

Home

They say "Home" is where you feel a sense of acceptance and I don't think I have it. For years, I tried to justify that my family was just not expressive,that they love me and accept me for who I really am.
I guess, I was wrong because I feel the brokenness now. Even if Dad moved abroad, I can still feel the pain that their separation caused us. I can vividly recall when he became cold to me on my graduation. When I tried to embrace him, he moved away. I tried to reach out to him, but he was so distant. I was never treated as a Daddy's girl, he never told me that I was beautiful.
Well, I don't say that my Dad is the only one responsible for their separation. My Mom too, has her share. She tried to be perfect mom or the superwoman. She often equates love on material things. She may be hands on to us when we were young,but I was emotionally detached to her. I find it hard to express my emotions, because whenever I do so, she would often say that I wallow myself in pity.
I grew up having a love-hate relationship with her. It was really confusing. There were times when I feel secured. But, when she scold me or beat me up, I got scared.
She has this high of hitting us whenever she got pissed or angry. Dad too, did this to us. For them, it's a way of discipline. For me, it was a form of abuse because it causes trauma.
I'm not claiming that I'm a perfect child. In fact, I'm way far from it. I admit that I also have my shortcomings. But, there's one thing that I didn't do, I never rebelled against them. I didn't do drugs or any thing that could damage myself. Instead, I sought help from God because I can't do this alone.
I believe that he has a way to make things straight.
I wanted to experience what it feels like to belong in a family someday because I believe that a person's greatest asset is to have group of people that affirms you.
I wanted to feel like home again.

Dyahe

"Dyahe" in Filipino means something that makes a person uncomfortable to reveal.

This word would be apt for this entry.

Right now, I have something that I wanted to share but felt uneasy to do so. I wanted to tell this to my friends, but I'm still itching to write it. What I'm going to disclose in this article was probable appropriate for teenagers. But for people in my age, I don't know.

For the past few weeeks, I caught myself attracted to this guy. The last time I saw him, I told myself, "He looks nice." I secretly glance at him from afar because I don't want to be mistaken as a "psycho" or "stalker".
I've had awkward moments with him and sometimes I wish that he would forget me soon.I've had bad experiences with those guys that I used to like. And this time, I wish that it won't happen again.

What makes me "dyahe" to reveal this is because he's ten years older than me. Feeling
ko nakak-karma ako. Before, I use to make "okray" about guys who were a decade older than me. I kept on telling my friends,"Ayoko yan, atat na yan magpa-kasal".
Shucks! I never thought that I would get attracted to this guy. How I wish that my emotions would change quickly, or sana na lang wala akong pakiramdam.
I admit, I want to get close to him or have the chance to work with him because I want to know this guy without romance. I find it easier to get close to a guy if I'm not attracted.

At this point, I wanted to talk to him. But I can't. "Dyahe" kasi if I'm going to make the first move. The best thing that I could do is blog about him. Mabuti na lang at hindi niya ako masyadong kilala. I'm sure that he won't read this.
.

Whatever happens it the future, bahala na si Batman

About jerks

Indeed, things happen for a reason, probably to make us more mature.

I've had an awkward teenage life. I was the one who got teased a lot for being a wall flower. If my other classmates, would waive for popularity. I, on the other hand would not get bothered. You could see me in the corner, reading a book. That's how geeky I was back then. I was not a big joiner, so my social skills were limited.
Most of the guys, picked me up.(even those that I liked). I know the drill. First, they become friendly or pretended that they were attracted to you. When you got caught in their bait, they will drop you like a hot potato. They will make you feel stupid.
I've had countless experience on this and it took me a long time to figure out how I'm going to protect myself from them.

Last week, I had the chance to prove myself that I would not get trapped with them.
There was this guy. He was attractive, but not actually my type. He was a talent of a major network and making a name for himself. A struggling artist thing, so to speak. From the start, I know that he would not notice me. Apparently, I was wrong.
I was surprised when he texted me. Our conversation was one question, one answer. I was even more surprised when he asked me If I drink. It was awkward for me because we were not that close that he would text me like that. Sure, it was casual for him, but not for me. I told him the truth that I seldom drink because I'm allergic to alcohol. The good thing is that he was cool about it.

After responding to his question, I felt relieved. For the first time, I didn't pretend. I went straight to the point and it was not offensive on his part. Then, I realized that I was no longer alluded to their charms. I can easily sense if a guy is after something from me. Well, too bad for them because, I beg to differ. I'm conservative but not naive. For once, I proved to them that I was not gullible as I used to be.One thing I've learned is that most men are stupid and they want the obvious. I feel sorry for these guys.

I'm sure there were still good guys out there, but I'm afraid that they were rare.

My Cebu Experience

I've attended ICON last Friday at Mandaue, Cebu and it was truly a memorable experience.

It was my first time to step go to that city, so everything was an Adventure. I can say that all of the travels that I've done, this was, so far, the most enjoyable one.

Pictures would be posted soon.

Gossip Girl

I hope that this girl would get a life.

Ten years ago, she has victimized other students by spreading nasty rumors about them. She seemed to be domineering those days. One of the b*****est thing that she could do is to turn your friend against you, or worse, the guy that you like. Yes,she could pull some strings to get what she wanted. I admit, these things happened to me. Needless to say, I was one of her victims.

In this entry, I will not reveal her name or post her real picture because I know that it won't do any good. Or worse, it could be taken against me. Just because she did something to me, that doesn't mean that i'll do the same. Who wants her photo posted in public and become a subject of ridicule? No one, right?

I just wanted to express my thought about her and other gossip mongering people. I know that I need to understand why they behave the way they do. Probably, they yearn to get noticed or they were bored with their lame lives. Whatever the reason is, I won't let them victimize me again. It's not healthy. Really.

I have to let 'you' go

I just wanted to move on from my past

Why I love Ugly Betty

I've been an avid fan of this sitcom since it started..Well, let the video clip speak 4 itself.

As I carry my cross...

Before, I'm always looking forward to Christmas. But now, I don't because it's just another ordinary day.

It was 2005, I'm a graduating student back then when I found out that my parents are going to separate. I thought I could handle it well, but I can't. As schoolwork piled up, so was my emotions. At first, my thesismates were compassionate and supportive. But just like other human beings, they grew tired of me. I only have myself to count on. Sometimes, I just like to quit. But, God always picked me up during my depressing moments. I consider it a miracle to graduate from college because, my grades were slipping down, and there was even a time when I walked out of the classroom for no apparent reason. One of my professors even told me that my performance was getting worse. Everyday was a struggle. Graduation came, my whole family was with me, but Dad became distant to us. I tried to embrace him, but he resisted. I don't even know why.

That was the time I began to despise christmas. Before, we used to gather for dinner, but now Dad (while he was still in the country) would play cards with his "kumpares", Mom would clean the house, my brothers don't give a damn. I, on the other hand would lock myself inside my room and read a book. I envy those people who have their family together. Sana ako rin.
I felt detached from my family. I maybe blessed with material things and other stuffs that I need. But,they don't even know what I really ask from them. Call me dramatic but, that's how I really feel inside-broken.

Despite of my brokeness, I still hold on to my personal relationship with God.

Dadating din ang araw mo

Just when I thought that I've recovered from the past, a certain encounter would prove me that I'm wrong.

I thought that I've gotten over it, I mean the incident took place two years ago. But when we crossed paths again, I cringed. I suddenly remember how I felt that day when he humiliated me in front of a crowd.

I know that I should not make the first move, but I 'm just being friendly.

As soon as I began to approach him, I tried to strike a conversation. Being disinterested or annoyed by my presence, he flashed his phone in front of my face and texted. A few minutes later, he left me and said "Ghel, iwan muna kita ha, may nakalimutan kasi ako sa bahay eh." I just nodded. Those people at the back, shot me with dagger looks because, pina-singit lang ako dun.

At that moment, I felt that I was a JOKE, a big one. Because I allowed myself to be victimized by a jerk. That's the time when I began to experience the fear of getting emotionally attached with someone. I hate the feeling of being played with someone. I've had similar experiences, but this one hit me big time. Before, I tried to forgave that person and move on. But, this time, I'm really tired.

Sometimes, i just wanted to say things in front of his face. Gusto ko siyang murahin. But I really can't because it's been a long time. He might have forgotten about it already. Besides, most guys are insensitive and he's not an exemption. The best thing that I can do is that I can blog about and let other people know how horrible he was.

Honestly speaking, I find it hard to trust most of the guys that I've met.(I know it's weird). I would often doubt a person's intention towards me( even from someone that I like). One thing I've learned about this experience is that I should never let myself fall for a jerk that could make me blush.


For this person, you know who you are.... Dadating din ang araw mo.

You Know Who You Are

Please, don't pretend that you're 'ALDO' because you will never be.......

Bore someone else....

From Francia's Blog

1. When is the last time you held handswith someone?- eight years2. What should you be doing right now?- checking my multiply account3 . Have you ever crawled through awindow?- yes4. Where is your mom?- at home5 . Morning or night person?- morning6. What was the last movie you watched?- Little Black Book7. ...where?- at ho,e8. Any cool scars?- my newest scar from my grey jelly flats9. Things about the opposite/same sex you notice first:- smile10. What was the last cd you bought?- blank cd11 . Ever been in love?- yes..eight years ago12. What's something your friends makefun of you for?- late reactions13. What is your curfew?- 1 am14. Would you ever dye your hair red?- yes, but only streaks16. What's your worst personality flaw?- i worry too much17. What place would you most like to visit?- London1 8. Who's your best friend?- GOD19. Do you want a well paying job or ajob you enjoy?- both20. Do you wish to have the samefriends when you're older?-sure but of course i would love to have new friends too23. When were you last on the phone?- 3 hours ago25 . Do you like math?- nope26. What about history?- nope27. Have you ever seen 5 squirrels at one time?- nope28 . Can you touch your nose with your tongue?- nope,29. Do you have a brother?- yes, o3 of them30. Did your great granddad fight inthe civil war?- yes31. Who's your favorite person to talkto?- my batchmate john32. Have you ever used photobucket?- nope33. Do you like hugs?- sure34. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?- at the moment, none35. Do you want to be a doctor?- not in a million years36. Have you ever fallen asleep withgum in your mouth?- yes, when I was eight37. What do you do right before you go to bed?- pray and listen to my ipod afterwards38. Right when you get outta bed?- take a bath39. Do you love your parents?-yes40 . What music are you listening toright now:- So Perfect by MYMP41. Do you want to be famous?- yes for the right reasons42. Do you spend a lot of time thinkingabout life?- YES!43. Do you do your own laundry?- yes45. Do you believe in love?- yes, even if I failed a thousand times46. Ever want to sky dive?- yes47. When was the last time you got angry?- when I was not included in our departments meeting48. Are you addicted to MySpace?- nope49. Would you classify yourself as clever?- somehow50. What do you hate the most at the moment?- PMS

I'm Only Human

To start with my entry, I would like to remove the persona that I portay in the workplace, in the community, and in my family. For now, I would like to be me with no pretentions at all.

I can say that I'm blessed with people that sees my worth, that I can see the human face of God.

I'm also blessed to have a parent that inspite my stubbornes and my other shortcomings, loves me for who i really am . I'm grateful to be that God continues to give me opportunities to discover myself. Despite of all these things, I still feel that I don't have the gutts to face God, because of those things that I despise about myself. I've been serving for 2 years, It really lifts my spirit whenever someone got inspired from my sharing about my personal relationship with God. But, whenever I utter words or do something that intend to hurt other people, I start to cringe. Then, I asked myself, "Am I worthyt to His child?" Guys, I am a hypocrite.

This is my struggle: I've realized that the more you serve God, the more people would expect from you. Because, you should always set an example for them. This is the bitter reality that I have to face, this is the hurdle that I want to surpass.

I would always make mistakes. More often that not, it took me 2 or 3 stumbling blocks to learn a principle.

I'm only human

Heath Ledger found dead in NYC

Source: omg.yahoo.com

NEW YORK - Heath Ledger was found dead Tuesday at a downtown Manhattan apartment, naked in bed with sleeping pills nearby, police said. The Australian-born actor was 28. It wasn't immediately clear if Ledger had committed suicide.
He had an appointment for a massage at a residence in the tony neighborhood of SoHo, NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said. A housekeeper who went to let him know the massage therapist had arrived found him dead at 3:26 p.m.
A large crowd of paparazzi and gawkers gathered outside the building on an upscale block. Ledger's body was still inside, and several police officers guarded the door.
The medical examiner's office planned an autopsy Wednesday, spokeswoman Ellen Borakove said.
While not a marquee movie star, Ledger was a respected, award-winning actor who chose his roles carefully rather than cashing in on his heartthrob looks. He was nominated for an Oscar for his performance as a gay cowboy in "Brokeback Mountain," where he met Michelle Williams, who played his wife in the film. The two had a daughter, Matilda, and lived together in Brooklyn until they split up last year.
Ledger most recently appeared in "I'm Not There," in which he played one of the many incarnations of Bob Dylan ƒƒ‚‚ as did Cate Blanchett, whose performance in that film earned an Oscar nomination Tuesday for best supporting actress.
Ledger had finished filming his role as the Joker this year in "The Dark Knight," a sequel to 2005's "Batman Begins."
He's had starring roles in "A Knight's Tale" and "The Patriot," and played the suicidal son of Billy Bob Thornton in "Monster's Ball." He also played a heroin addict in the 2006 Australian film "Candy."
Before settling down with Williams, Ledger had relationships with actresses Heather Graham and Naomi Watts. He met Watts while working on "The Lords of Dogtown," a fictionalized version of a cult classic skateboarding documentary, in 2004.
Ledger was born in 1979 in Perth, in western Australia, to a mining engineer and a French teacher, and got his first acting role playing Peter Pan at age 10 at a local theater company. He began acting in independent films as a 16-year-old in Sydney and played a cyclist hoping to land a spot on an Olympic team in a 1996 television show, "Seat."
After several independent films, Ledger moved to Los Angeles at age 19 and co-starred opposite Julia Stiles in "10 Things I Hate About You," a teen comedy reworking of "The Taming of the Shrew."
Offers for other teen flicks soon came his way, but Ledger turned them down, preferring to remain idle than sign on for projects he didn't like.
"It wasn't a hard decision for me," Ledger told the Associated Press in 2001. "It was hard for everyone else around me to understand. Agents were like, 'You're crazy,' my parents were like, 'Come on, you have to eat.'"
His movie career caught on anyway, culminating with his Academy Award nomination opposite Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback."
"Dark Knight" director Christopher Nolan said earlier this month that Ledger's performance as the Joker would be wildly different than Jack Nicholson's memorable turn in 1989's "Batman."
"It was a very great challenge for Heath," Nolan said. "He's extremely original, extremely frightening, tremendously edgy. A very young character, a very anarchic presence that taps into a lot of our basic fears and panic."
___
Associated Press Sara Kugler contributed to this report.

Why I came late today

I can't say that this is the worst day of the week, I just got pissed.

I was about to leave when my brother asked me the documents that he needed today.
To make the long story short, we prepare certain files for BIR yearly (for our family business), I wasn't able to update them from October to December last year. So, when I was asked, I told him, "I don't care if we're late". Of course, his temper flared. Honestly, I know i'ts rude to say that, but I'm still angry at him. Basta, something happened recently. Our Mom heard our quarrel.

Consequently, I had no choice but to rush those files. I started at 8 and finished by 12:30, without having my breakfast. Then, I got a call from my officemate, and accidentally yelled at her. Shucks! I should't do that in the first place...

Now, I've clearly seen the repercussions of slacking. I've realized that the more, you leave your work hanging, the more it would pile up, and the more frustrated you'll be.

One of the things that I want to work on is time management. Most people that I know who are successful have a strong sense of discipline. I emulate them, that's why I want to change obliterate my bad habbits, particularly the "petix" mode. Honestly, it's hard for me to admit that I am "tamad". But I have to acknowledge it, so that I could change for the better.

I 'm making an effort so that these things won't happen again. As they say, the bad becomes the better, and the better becomes the best..